Circle of Life

I give the credit entirely to my mother, who thought sending cookies to Michael in November when he arrived at Dismas would help him feel loved until he earned enough privileges to extend visits.  And because there was no list of what you could do for a resident, we have evolved into an "it's better to ask forgiveness, than ask permission" state of being. (There is a list of what not to do when you are a Dismas resident, notably: 1. Do not kill anyone. 2.  Do not riot. 3. No cell phones.) Included in his first care package, tucked in with warm clothes and drawings from Madison, was a container of oatmeal raisin cookies.  Michael shared them with his dorm mates; one of which could not believe he would share and told him, "These taste just like Christmas!" Well, how can you not keep baking for an audience like that? And so the unofficial Dismas Cookie Ministry was born. The only kind of cookies that were met with a little wariness were some very green, mint chocolate chip cookies. But once they were tasted, they were gone. (My sous chef is 3; we like food coloring!)

Growing up our church participated in the Jordan Prison Ministry's Christmas Cookie Project. They would collect enough cookies to give each inmate at the prison one dozen cookies.  I grew up running around the Fellowship Hall while mothers packaged cookies and eventually helping to package. Things always come full circle. The girl who was dying to be a missionary after listening to Marilyn Laszlo, then frustrated that she would not be going to a faraway country to share Jesus, finally grew up enough to understand "going out into all the world" can mean your own zip code. God uses anything you can do for His glory. Even cookies.

So this weekend we baked enough cookies for the 21 other men in Michael's dorm to have a baker's dozen for Valentine's Day. What a perfect time to show someone that they are loved! (Another fun aside with the cookies is one resident told Michael that he should be careful about bringing something so good because someone might find out where he lived, look me up and tell me that Michael was "no good" and that I should marry them instead! Michael was not sure how to take that!)

Michael is eligible for home confinement February 17th; according to his counselor, home confinement paper work is only processed on Mondays, so it will be sent on February 20th with the earliest turn around time of 7 days.  We are hoping that he will be returning home the first of March! Some of the things he is most looking forward to are being able to spend each evening and morning with us, take a shower without the need for shower shoes, sleep in a room without fluorescent lights on all night, and sleep on something thicker than a kindergarten mat. We are keeping his counselor in prayer that he will do right by Michael and put his paperwork in on time. Thank you for keeping our family in your prayers!

Heidi

Happy New Year!

Madison & Daddy at Church

"Life is a Circus"

January has been very good to us! Michael has reached the 48 hour pass level and is able to be home with us most weekends. He also is able to have a weekly faith pass to go to church. We are enjoying spending time with him! The restrictions on home passes include staying at home except when he is using his faith pass, so it has been nice to relax and not feel the need to be anywhere or go anywhere.  Michael is working for Max Wagerman which we are so appreciative for, especially because this has enabled him to be eligible for home passes. And the Rogers family! Especially since our family is so far away, it has been wonderful to be "adopted" by them. They are awesome and always there to listen or give a much needed word of encouragement! Brian Denman has been such a blessing to us as well; we are so thankful for his friendship! We continued to be blessed by so many people and are so grateful.

Like the rest of this crazy journey, truth has been stranger than fiction and the half-way house is no exception.  Michael has met some interesting people there but the most frustrating thing is the apathy, lack of organization and control issues of the staff. This has taught us what "rehabilitation" really means in the penal system and unfortunately "re-education" is not a prevalent factor. Although he has learned some "skills" from the residents, like turning phone books into body armor! This place could be in its own space-time continum if you viewed it through quantum physics! We continue to thank God for working all things to the greater good and for His glory! We are excited for good things in 2012 and hope you will see the blessings in your life as well!

Heidi



Merry Christmas!

Michael, Heidi & Madison



Visiting Daddy!

Madison and Daddy!

Back in the ATL!

 Reunited!

Despite some crazy challenges in checking out of FPC Pensacola and the fact that the BOP did not take into consideration the time zone change  (losing an  hour) for his travel time, thanks to Mr. Robbie Ball, Michael made it to the Atlanta halfway house 30 minutes early! 30 minutes that we were able to spend together!  Due to the beneficence of the BOP (a nice way of saying "completely unorganized"), we were able to have an additional 2 1/2 hours together before he was shown to his dorm.  Only God can work those kind of things out for you! Michael and I both had happy tears and it was such a relief to see him well.  True to BOP form, he did not have all the information he was to have been given but it will be easy things to remedy: liquid laundry detergent, rolls of quarters for the phone (probably last place in the USA that has a pay phone LOL!), mesh or clear bag for his personal items, etc.  Unfortunately the left hand still does not know what the right hand is doing, so no clear time frame for his first pass ("maybe next Monday or sometime after that" - almost as bad as listening to a meteorologist! no offense to the meteorologically inclined) or home confinement eligibility. But the good news is he can have visitors right away, every Sunday from 12 - 3pm, and holiday visits at their discretion.  He can also receive mail which can be addressed to:  Michael Shaw 62166-019, Dismas Charities, 300 Wendell Court, Atlanta, GA 30336. 

We sincerely thank you for all of your support and prayers and ask that you still keep us in your thoughts. We ask you to specifically pray for Michael's new situation and that he may continue to be a blessing to others.  Mr. Ball was kind enough to ask before he left, if I needed anything and that if I did to just ask him.  I was too overcome to say this earlier, so I tell you now: Mr. Ball, thank you for bringing me the only thing I needed...my husband.

The End is Always Just Another Beginning

All month I have been trying to decide what to write. Michael is scheduled to transfer to a halfway house November 8th. All is in order and he sounds so upbeat and is understandably ready to leave Pensacola.  But as the days count down, my anxiety ramps up.  I will get to see him for a little bit to give him the documents he needs for his check-in. It will be 8 months since I drove him to Pensacola. My head is crowded with "what ifs" and worry that he will be so changed that he will not need or want me, or that there may not be room for me in the new life he wants to build. (Cue Beatles, "When I'm 64") So I am trying to send those self-doubts away and hope that if you have a minute on Tuesday, November 8th, that you will think of us and pray.  I am holding onto the plan I know God has for me and sometimes it is just barely.  But God is faithful in His promises even when and especially when I am weak. I am excited about the positive changes Michael has made and am in prayer for the new challenges he will face in his new beginning at the halfway house. And I am focusing on 1 Peter 5:6-7: "Humble yourself, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." (NIV)  So if you hear me singing, "I cast all my cares upon You, I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet, And anytime I don't know just what to do, I will cast all my cares upon You," know that I am believing it too. (Don't you just love the oldies but goodies worship songs! I love the contemporary ones too but wished churches would bring some of the ones I grew up on back!)

Have a great end of October!

Heidi

Unanswered Prayers

That title probably grabbed your attention but not in the way I intended. I love music. I especially love how lyrics find the words for you when you cannot.  Cleaning today I came across some mixed tapes from college - this completely dates me but mixed tapes are definitely a lost art. One of them had country songs on it from undergrad, circa boots, line dancing and Garth Brooks. (Oh Garth, what was up with Chris Gaines? You could have crossed over into rock without the crazy cosplay!) The lyric that made me think was, "I thank God for unanswered prayers" and though that sounds counterintuitive, I really do thank God for unanswered prayers.  Can you imagine what you life would be like if all your prayers were answered? Of course, you say, it would be great! Not really. Remember praying for the right girl or guy to notice/be with you? Well now can you imagine having all those significant others - at the same time? Married people who are honest will tell that one is quite enough sometimes.  Or praying for things or skills. You would have missed all of the experience mistakes and learning bring.

My recent unanswered prayer was prayed at the beginning of this year. I did not want to in effect "lose my husband" and have my life as I had built it crash around me. (Problem #1: "I" built not God. Now am happy to let Him have that job!)  I cried desperately to God to fix it even while not feeling as if it could really be happening to me.  The most well-meaning but completely useless phrase I have been told has been, "It will be over before you know it." Yes maybe in hindsight and definitely for you but not when you live it everyday. I am glad in a way that it has been slow because I have learned an astounding amount of things about me and made many positive changes.  A friend of mine is a songwriter (probably the greatest one you have never heard of, but I may be biased) and shared a song with me. This is the lyric that I love, "It's been some time since I've been free. It's been awhile since I've been me. I don't know where to go or who I should be. So help me find my way..."  It has been awhile since I have been free and I definitely needed to find me. The most free I have ever felt is now, after I have given everything to God and am released from the pressure of making things work.  Now I just trust and am happy each day that I wake up. Another part of the song is this, "These times are hard and it weighs on me.  This road is long and slow is my speed. And I don't know where it goes or who I am going to be. So help me find my way."  I am glad for the slow speed because sometimes I really need it to learn. And as long as God knows the way and who He wants me to be, I am content.

So I am thankful for unanswered prayers and answered prayers, but specifically that there is a God who is in control and sees the bigger picture. That there is an order to the universe (even pure science can confirm this) and that there is a reason and a purpose that God sees, especially when we don't.  And God does not owe us an explanation for what He does. "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens - what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave - what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea. If He comes along and confines you in a prison and convenes a court - who can oppose Him?...Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope." Job 11:7-18

I am thankful that God sees my purpose and I know that each day I wake up that purpose is still being fulfilled. That doesn't mean that I'll never have struggles or questions. Our lives will always be filled with those. But the peace of God comes from knowing that there's an order in the universe and there is a reason for whatever happens, even if only God can see it. We must trust Him. "To God belong wisdom and power. Counsel and understanding are His."  Job 12:13

To those of you who celebrate it and even those who don't, Happy New Year! I love the traditions that surround welcoming new years and like the Kabbalist view that Rosh Hashanah is the seed of the coming year, as is creating and planting seeds for the coming year.  I also like that it is a time for renewal because who doesn't need that! So Shana Tova Umetukah (a good and sweet year) and may your year be filled with seeds of blessings and happiness!

Heidi